If you are like many parents, you are starkly aware of your imperfections when it comes to raising your children. You may have looked at this article with a combination of curiosity and dread.

Rest easy. I am not here to tell you what you’re doing wrong – you don’t need that from me.

What I do want to talk about is an issue many parents avoid addressing with their children.

As kids grow, they become increasingly aware of their own bodies. They also pay more attention to others’ bodies and the presence of sexual images. These are cues that it is time for the “sex talk.” Some parents choose to let the school tackle sex ed. Other parents venture into this topic themselves.

The longer I work with teens, it becomes more and more obvious that one specific issue is consistently left out of their sexual education, whether at home, school or both.

The issue of consent.

What do you think giving consent for sex entails?

What do you think your teen knows about giving consent for sex?

Ask them, and then come back to learn more: Saying yes to sex is not enough.

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is dedicated to helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

Start writing with your teen!

Directions and prompts are all included on this three page document, created just for YOU and your family!

Read about the difference between diaries and journals: Journaling: Different Than a Diary
Get 10 more prompts to write about with your teen: 10 Journal Prompts for Teens and Parents

Scroll down to download a PDF of this great list!

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is dedicated to helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

Need a new way to communicate with your teen?

One of the neatest tools I have come across in my years as a teen therapist is a journal specifically made for adolescent girls and their mothers. It is a “back and forth” style book to help young women connect in a meaningful way with their mom.

The thing is... not every teen girl has an involved mother, and not every mother has a teen daughter. Plus, boys and fathers are left out of this activity entirely!

Below you will find ten journal prompts to share with your teenage son or daughter. These are a mix of fun/silly topics and more serious, thought-provoking prompts.

First, choose a book or notebook that you will share. (You can also type documents on a computer, but give the handwritten journal a try first!) Pick a pen to keep with your journal. Agree on a safe place to leave the book for the other to read. It is important that both of you agree that what is written is private and not to be shared without the other person's permission.

Okay! Now you're all set! Click below to access TEN prompts to get you writing!

Like this? Click here for a year-long set of journal prompts for teens and their parents!

Want to begin writing in your own journal? Go here to get started: Journaling: Different Than a Diary

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is dedicated to helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

The word DIARY takes me back to my childhood. I wrote in a diary off and on for many years. Those books, pretty things adorned with cheap locks, are now gone.

Still, I remember them vividly. I wrote about the day-to-day events of my life. My childhood pet, school projects, friends and the names of my crushes all found a home in my diary. My diaries were dear to me. They were carefully protected from prying eyes.

Looking back, these books played a significant role in my daily and weekly routine as a child and as a teen. I wrote down events I did not want to forget.

These days, I still write, though not as often as I did as a younger person. The habit of writing down daily details and special events is difficult for me to prioritize in my schedule. It simply does not happen on a regular basis.

The kind of writing I do more frequently sounds similar, but it is not the same.

I journal.

How is journaling different than keeping a diary?

Simply put, a diary is a record of events. A journal is writing with the purpose of reflection and growth. Keeping a journal is more personal and requires more vulnerability than a diary.

A quick Google search will show you that journaling is not only popular, but also beneficial. It is useful as a way to help manage stress, anxiety, depression and grief. It is a tool often used in counseling to help people gain a better understanding of their struggles and their strengths.

Where do I start to help my child or teen gain the benefits of journaling?

Start with yourself. Get some paper, a notebook or a computer in front of you and start writing. Your experience with journaling can help inspire your teen to do the same.

In the meantime, here are three prompts to get you started:

1. What was the hardest part of your day? What was the best part of your day?
2. Joy can be found everywhere, even on the worst days. What brought you joy today? 
3. What are you thankful for today? List at least one person, one item and one experience.
   

Ready for more? Check out my other posts about journaling. One includes a year's worth of journaling prompts!

10 Journal Prompts for Teens and Parents
52 Journal Prompts to Help You Connect with Your Teen This Year!

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is dedicated to helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

• Drive. Take your child to school. Pick them up from a friend’s house. Go for a drive to get ice cream. Talking in the car creates a different feel than other more direct face-to-face communication.

• Do dinner. Every day if possible. The benefits of dinner as a family are many. Even if all family members are not present, still have dinner with everyone who is at home. Make it your family ritual.
  

• Ask real questions. Avoid asking “How was your day?” This gives your teen opportunity to say “fine” and shut the conversation down. Ask open-ended questions that seek more than a grunt or yes/no answer. A few examples: “Which class was the most fun today and why?” “What was the hardest part of your day?”
  

• Talk about their interests.  Even if they are not interesting to you. As a teen counselor, I talk a lot about video games with my clients. I use these conversations as a way to build rapport. Sometimes, I can even incorporate them into therapeutic conversations! If your teen is an avid Instagrammer, ask to see their favorite or most recent photo. Inquire about who praises their work online. This can help them build self-esteem outside of the internet world. If your teen is in the chess club, have them teach you to play. Letting teens feel like an expert builds self-confidence.
  

At their core, teens want to be heard. Give them opportunities to talk to you and be interested in who they are becoming. Be consistent in your efforts. Also, understand that sometimes they may need some space before opening up.

I want to hear from you! Please share your ideas and stories about communicating with teens!

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is dedicated to helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

• Your friend – Your relationship with your therapist is all about you. The therapist you are seeing will not share much about themselves to make sure you and your needs are the main focus.
  
• Magicians – Sadly, therapists cannot perform magic tricks. Counselors cannot make bad feelings go away or hard situations all better overnight. What they can do is listen and support you in the process of feeling better.
• Mind readers – Therapists spend a lot of time listening to and talking with clients. They learn to watch verbal and non-verbal cues to understand what is going on with the person in our office. However, counselors can only go with what they see and hear. It is important to counselors to not make assumptions about you.
  

Who therapists are

• Professionals – Your therapist has gone to school for quite a long time to be ready to be a counselor. They are licensed by the state you live in and are required to continue learning about the best ways to practice therapy. A good therapist takes their work seriously.

• Problem solvers – Counselors love to help brainstorm ways to solve problems. Like I said earlier, your therapist is not there to boss you around. Their job is to offer ideas and support to help you find the best way to solve problems you are experiencing.
• People who care, a lot. – People who go into counseling care a great deal about helping others. Caring means therapists are willing to have tough conversations about difficult topics. Caring means counselors will not judge you for your thoughts and feelings. And, most of all, it means your therapist will help you in every way they are able.
  

Check out the first two parts of the series!
The Guide to Therapy for Teens, Part One: Why is My Mom Making Me Go to Therapy?
The Guide to Therapy for Teens, Part Two: What to Expect in Counseling

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is passionate about helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

What to expect in counseling

So your parents are taking you to counseling.

Click here to read the first post in this series: Why is My Mom Making Me Go To Therapy.

Here are a few ideas of what you can expect to talk about as you meet your therapist and get started.

• Paperwork. You will need to sign a bunch of forms. Therapy is basically a legal agreement between you, your parents and your counselor. They should talk to you about your privacy and your rights as a client during this time. Don’t hesitate to ask questions – some of this stuff can be confusing!
  

• Your history. Your therapist will ask questions about why you are coming in for counseling. They will want to learn more about who you are and what you’ve been going through. Some of this may happen with your parents in the room, but not all of it.

• Your privacy. Even though you are a minor, you have a high expectation of privacy in therapy. Your counselor cannot talk to just anyone about you. There are a few exceptions that you need to know about:

• •         If you are threatening to kill yourself.
  •         If you share plans to kill or seriously harm another person(s).
  •         If you reveal that you or another child are being abused.
  •         If you talk about a vulnerable adult or elderly person being abused.
  •         If you and your parents sign a release of information form.
  •         If a court orders your counselor to release information.

If one of these situations occurs during your time in counseling, your therapist will only release information that is necessary to help deal with the situation. They will not share everything they know about you.

When it comes to your parents, your therapist can and will share some things with your parents. It is not their place to tell all of the details about your sessions.  Those are between you and your counselor.

These are some of the major aspects of beginning therapy. Please ask questions if you do not understand a question, a form or what is going on.

Here the first post in this series: Why is My Mom Making Me Go To Therapy.
Read the third post: What's the Deal with Your Therapist?

Click here to learn about what you can expect if you were to work with Bethany.

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is passionate about helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

Why is my Mom is Making Me Go to Therapy?

If you are reading his post, you are probably one of two types of people:

1. A parent who thinks your child could benefit from therapy OR
   
2. A teen who is being taken to counseling

My next few posts are all about helping parents and teens understand each other’s point of view about going to counseling. Today, I answer two very common questions from teens about therapy.

The answer is a little tricky.

Legally, it varies from state to state. In Colorado, teens who are 15 years and older MUST consent to their own therapy. Parents have to give their permission for teens who are under the age of 15 to be seen by a counselor. The age limit might be different in your state, but written permission for therapy is required everywhere.

So, if you are under 15, and live in Colorado, your parents can “make” you go to therapy. They can also strongly encourage older teens to go or make it a requirement in their home.

What parents cannot do, is force you to talk or make you be honest with your therapist. This is something you have to decide for yourself, regardless of your age.

Sometimes it can help to speak with someone who is objective, meaning they aren't part of your family, your school or your community.

Some of the main reasons I see teens for counseling are when they experience:

• Hard times with friends or peers
• Not liking themselves
• Worries about the future
• Being bullied
• Wanting to die
• Abuse, violence or being mistreated
• Stress
• Sadness
• Worries, nervousness or fears
• Grief after a loss of a family member, friend or pet
• Getting in trouble at school, at home or in the community
• Problems with anger or conflict
• Difficulties with school performance

This is just a short list of the things you can talk about in therapy sessions. Nothing is off limits. If you want to talk about it, go for it! Therapists are great listeners PLUS they'll offer suggestions and work with you to meet your goals.

Check back next week for a post about what you can expect when you go to therapy sessions. I'll also be posting soon about what's up with your therapist and why you just might like therapy!

Update: Check out the second and third parts of the series!
The Guide to Therapy for Teens, Part Two: What to Expect in Counseling
The Guide to Therapy for Teens, Part Three: What's the Deal with Your Therapist?

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is passionate about helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

• Pay attention. If you see something, say something. This can be tricky when you want your teen to know you are a safe person to talk to. Calm language works best when you believe you have witnessed abuse or can see injuries from abuse.
  
  

• Set healthy boundaries around the relationship. Demanding that your teen end the abusive relationship may not have the impact you expect. In fact, it may have the opposite effect and drive the relationship u. Instead, supervise your teen and their boyfriend or girlfriend when they are together in your home. Discourage activities that would allow the pair to be unsupervised in other environments. Encourage activities that include family members. Talk about healthy boundaries and be there to support your teen as they make a decision for them self.
  

As an extra, here is an excellent workbook from the Love is Not Abuse Coalition. It will help you talk about dating violence with your teens. It can also be used in conversations with younger children who are not yet dating.

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is passionate about helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

Do you know if your teen is being abused? What should you be looking for?

• You may notice your daughter seems anxious or worried more than usual.

• Your son may have developed unhealthy behaviors like smoking, drinking, or exercising too much.

• Your daughter may be withdrawing from friends or family. She may also be avoiding activities she used to love.
  

• You may notice your son's girlfriend or boyfriend checks in with him frequently and wants to know where he is all of the time. This is likely disruptive of his other activities.

• You might hear your daughter make excuses for her boyfriend. She may justify his behavior and defend him.

The truth is....

• 1 in every 10 teens has experienced dating violence. Nearly as many have had unwanted sexual contact at some point in their teen years. (CDC)

• Teen dating violence happens to both boys and girls and in straight and gay relationships. It can include physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse.

Sound familiar? Worried about what to do next?

Read my post on how you can respond: Your Teen is Being Hurt: What You Can Do to Help

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is passionate about helping teens and families be happy and healthy!