My thoughts on the Duggar family and teens who sexually abuse

By now, I’m sure most of you have heard about the Duggar family and the oldest son, Josh’s inappropriate sexual behavior as a teen. I’ve been thinking a great deal about this situation and trying to reserve judgement the best I can as I am not privy to intimate details of the situation. However, I feel compelled to say a few words on the subject.

For those of you who are unaware, one of my specialty areas in my therapy practice is working with teenagers who have committed sexual offenses. I have been doing this work for more than five years and have received extensive training in this area. Working with these teens is one of my great passions and an area of therapy that I truly love. I am also passionate about working with people, teens and adults alike, who have been victims of sexual abuse. Often, these two areas of practice intersect.

During my nine year social work career and five years of helping teens address inappropriate sexual behaviors I’ve learned countless lessons. Here are four that stand out in light of the Duggar family situation.

1) Sexual abuse is wrong and it is illegal. Sounds obvious, but it is a point worth making. Using statements such as “kids will be kids,” “boys will be boys,” or “they were just playing doctor” is dangerous. These sentiments justify inappropriate behavior and undermine the impact sexual abuse has on its victims.

2) Keeping sexual abuse a secret is harmful to victims and the person perpetrating the abuse. Not only are both parties unable to receive help, but it perpetuates the idea that inappropriate sexual behavior is acceptable in our society.

3) Sexual acting out as a teen does not automatically make you a pedophile. A vast majority of teens I see in treatment who have sexually abused younger children are not sexually attracted to younger children. Sexual acting out by teens is driven by a number of factors including, but not limited to, experiencing sexual or physical abuse themselves, isolation, poor social skills and difficulty connecting with their peers.

4) Therapy works. The type of therapy I practice is called offense specific therapy. It has been specifically developed to help teens who have committed sexual offenses learn about why they committed their offense, help them learn healthy relationship skills and reduce their risk to sexually re-offend. Various studies show that between 87-93% of juveniles who complete this treatment successfully will NOT go on to sexually re-offend.

With all of this said, I really don’t know what to tell you about the Duggar family situation. I certainly do not have enough information about what happened to insinuate that I am an expert on the situation. However, I hold firmly to my belief that sexual abuse is wrong and harmful. I also believe that both the victim and the perpetrator in any instance of sexual abuse are deserving of treatment to help them cope with what occurred.

Thanks for reading! Please do not hesitate to contact me with comments or questions on this topic. I’d love to hear from you!

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is dedicated to helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

One in four American students will be affected by youth violence this year.
(Students Against Violence Everywhere, SAVE)

Youth violence includes bullying, school violence, criminal acts, gang violence, teen dating violence and more.


These issues can have an immense impact on victims. Teens who have been hurt may respond in a variety of ways including (but not limited to) anger outbursts, depression, anxiety or self-harming behaviors.

Now for some good news! The National Criminal Justice Reference Service reports that teen violence has decreased significantly in the last 20 years. This is the result of a lot of hard work by teens, parents, schools, law enforcement and various government and private agencies. While this is fantastic, it does not mean the problem of youth violence has been solved.

There is still more work to be done.

Wondering how you can help?

Here are 5 ways you can help support the anti-youth violence message at home:

• Act it out – Help your child practice assertive ways to deal with bullies and peer pressure by acting out a difficult situation together.
  

• Draw it out – Have your child create a drawing related to violence understanding and prevention. A few ideas: Show a time that you felt unsafe. Draw a picture of someone who has been hurt or is scared. Draw a picture of you handling anger in a healthy way.

• Talk it out – Talk about the realities of youth violence with your children on an ongoing basis.

• Walk it out – Go on a walk with your child and discuss how exercise and other coping skills can help them calm down when they are angry or upset.

• Write it out – Ask your child write a letter to someone who has hurt them OR to someone they hurt. This can help them develop empathy for others and a better understanding of their own actions and feelings.

Now is a great time to give these a try in honor of National Youth Violence Prevention Week (March 23-27, 2015). Even if you miss the week celebration, there is never a bad time to talk to your kids about youth violence.

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is passionate about helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

January 11, 2015 is National Human Trafficking Awareness Day in the United States. To be honest, I didn’t think much about the issue of human trafficking until the last couple of years. Sure, I knew it existed. I assumed that it was a problem in foreign countries, not here in the United States.

Boy, was I wrong. Human trafficking is a $5-7 billion industry in the U.S. alone. It impacts 21 million victims worldwide, 1.5 million of which are Americans. (UNICEF)

Just so we’re all on the same page, here is the formal definition of Human Trafficking from the Trafficking Victims Protection Act of 2000:

• a) sex trafficking in which a commercial sex act is induced by force, fraud, or coercion, or in which the person induced to perform such an act has not attained 18 years of age; or
• b) the recruitment, harboring, transportation, provision, or obtaining of a person for labor or services, through the use of force, fraud, or coercion for the purpose of subjection to involuntary servitude, peonage, debt bondage, or slavery.

Basically, “Human trafficking is a form of modern-day slavery.” (Trafficking Resource Center)

Scary, huh?

It is important for parents and community members to be aware of risk factors that make teenagers vulnerable to traffickers. Here are a few signs that your teen could be at risk:

Teens living on the streets are prime targets for human traffickers. They tend to have a limited support system and they often hang out in high risk areas such as bus or train stations, parks and shelters.

Family discord. Teens from chaotic households often seek support in inappropriate places.

Older friends or strangers who give gifts or make extraordinary promises. Does your teen have  older friends that you don’t know? Have they received unexpected or extravagant gifts from someone? This deserves your attention.

Youth with a history of abuse or neglect may be more vulnerable to traffickers.

So what can you do?

Talk to your children. Connect with them. Spend time with them. Know who their friends are and where they hang out. Be engaged with your children!

Seek Help. If your teen has been a victim of some sort of trauma, consider seeking help for them in the form of counseling or a support group. Their pediatrician is a great place to start in order to get connected with the right services.

Reduce Conflict. If your family is riddled with conflict, take steps to work on the problem. Identify causes and implement solutions. Counseling can be helpful with this process.

Contact the National Human Trafficking Resource Center. Call 1-888-373-7888 or text INFO or HELP to BeFree (233733). They are available to help victims, families and community members at any time.

Let's work together to protect our communities and end human trafficking!

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is passionate about helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

Did you know that 1 in 4 American adults experiences mental illness every year? Or that 20% of children ages 13 to 18 experience mental health problems in any given year?  (National Alliance on Mental Illness)

May has been designated “Mental Health Awareness Month” in order to bring awareness to mental illness in America. In my years as a social worker, I have heard many people speak about mental illness as something to be kept secret. Some people are ashamed that they are not well and hesitate to seek help as a result.

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I will be discussing 5 myths about mental illness and seeking mental health care. I will also include a bonus post about self-care. This is the first of a 4 part series to be posted throughout the remainder of May. My goal is to help you better understand mental illness and mental health treatment, as well as to offer some ideas on how to get help if necessary. Please share with anyone who might benefit from this information!

Here are the topics I will cover over the next 10 days:

• Myth #1: Mental illness means I am crazy and will always be crazy.

• Myth #2: Mental health treatment is not available in my area.

• Myth #3: Mental health treatment is too expensive.

• Myth #4: Mental health treatment doesn't really help.

• Myth #5: I will be forced to take medication.

• Bonus: Self-care benefits us all.

Let's get started.

Myth #1: Mental illness means I am crazy and will always be crazy.
Not so. Crazy is a word often applied with little concern or compassion for those experiencing mental illness. I do not believe having any sort of mental illness makes you "crazy." I believe it means you are facing a challenge that can be managed and often overcome with time, patience, hard work, support and professional help.

My challenge to all of my readers is to watch your language. No, I'm not talking about swearing or anything along those lines. What I am asking is that you observe how often you use the word "crazy" to describe someone. Unfortunately, it has become socially acceptable to label someone behaving in an odd or out of control manner as being "crazy" rather than acknowledging they may be dealing with mental illness. Let's change this bad habit and practice acceptance instead.

Learn more by reading the rest of the series!
Mental Health Awareness Month: Myths and Facts, Part 2
Mental Health Awareness Month: Myths and Facts, Part 3
Mental Health Awareness Month: Bonus Post!

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.