Why is my Mom is Making Me Go to Therapy?

If you are reading his post, you are probably one of two types of people:

1. A parent who thinks your child could benefit from therapy OR
   
2. A teen who is being taken to counseling

My next few posts are all about helping parents and teens understand each other’s point of view about going to counseling. Today, I answer two very common questions from teens about therapy.

The answer is a little tricky.

Legally, it varies from state to state. In Colorado, teens who are 15 years and older MUST consent to their own therapy. Parents have to give their permission for teens who are under the age of 15 to be seen by a counselor. The age limit might be different in your state, but written permission for therapy is required everywhere.

So, if you are under 15, and live in Colorado, your parents can “make” you go to therapy. They can also strongly encourage older teens to go or make it a requirement in their home.

What parents cannot do, is force you to talk or make you be honest with your therapist. This is something you have to decide for yourself, regardless of your age.

Sometimes it can help to speak with someone who is objective, meaning they aren't part of your family, your school or your community.

Some of the main reasons I see teens for counseling are when they experience:

• Hard times with friends or peers
• Not liking themselves
• Worries about the future
• Being bullied
• Wanting to die
• Abuse, violence or being mistreated
• Stress
• Sadness
• Worries, nervousness or fears
• Grief after a loss of a family member, friend or pet
• Getting in trouble at school, at home or in the community
• Problems with anger or conflict
• Difficulties with school performance

This is just a short list of the things you can talk about in therapy sessions. Nothing is off limits. If you want to talk about it, go for it! Therapists are great listeners PLUS they'll offer suggestions and work with you to meet your goals.

Check back next week for a post about what you can expect when you go to therapy sessions. I'll also be posting soon about what's up with your therapist and why you just might like therapy!

Update: Check out the second and third parts of the series!
The Guide to Therapy for Teens, Part Two: What to Expect in Counseling
The Guide to Therapy for Teens, Part Three: What's the Deal with Your Therapist?

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is passionate about helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

One in four American students will be affected by youth violence this year.
(Students Against Violence Everywhere, SAVE)

Youth violence includes bullying, school violence, criminal acts, gang violence, teen dating violence and more.


These issues can have an immense impact on victims. Teens who have been hurt may respond in a variety of ways including (but not limited to) anger outbursts, depression, anxiety or self-harming behaviors.

Now for some good news! The National Criminal Justice Reference Service reports that teen violence has decreased significantly in the last 20 years. This is the result of a lot of hard work by teens, parents, schools, law enforcement and various government and private agencies. While this is fantastic, it does not mean the problem of youth violence has been solved.

There is still more work to be done.

Wondering how you can help?

Here are 5 ways you can help support the anti-youth violence message at home:

• Act it out – Help your child practice assertive ways to deal with bullies and peer pressure by acting out a difficult situation together.
  

• Draw it out – Have your child create a drawing related to violence understanding and prevention. A few ideas: Show a time that you felt unsafe. Draw a picture of someone who has been hurt or is scared. Draw a picture of you handling anger in a healthy way.

• Talk it out – Talk about the realities of youth violence with your children on an ongoing basis.

• Walk it out – Go on a walk with your child and discuss how exercise and other coping skills can help them calm down when they are angry or upset.

• Write it out – Ask your child write a letter to someone who has hurt them OR to someone they hurt. This can help them develop empathy for others and a better understanding of their own actions and feelings.

Now is a great time to give these a try in honor of National Youth Violence Prevention Week (March 23-27, 2015). Even if you miss the week celebration, there is never a bad time to talk to your kids about youth violence.

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is passionate about helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

This is one of my favorite quotes. I jotted it down almost 10 years ago and it has been hanging on my refrigerator on the same scrap of paper ever since. It is meant to be a reminder for me to express kindness toward others on a daily basis.

Here are my musings about the quote and how I think it might apply to you!

For Children and Teens   

What might schools be like if students exhibited these qualities toward their peers and teachers? How much more enjoyable could sports and playtime be for children?

This concept is so important for children and teens to learn as they grow and develop. But how do children learn to express kindness? Please read on!

For Parents

Children learn how to exhibit kindness to others by the example modeled for them at home and in the community. The way you treat the store clerk, other drivers and your family will influence how your children interact with others.

Please understand: I am not asking you or your child to be perfect. Everyone loses their temper and says things they do not mean. Use these times as a learning experience for yourself and a teaching moment for your child. Apologizing and exhibiting grace for others’ mistakes are wonderful behaviors to model for your children.

For Anyone

This concept is not only beneficial for families. I find that my own professional and personal interactions are better and more genuine when I try to be kind to others.  My days tend to go smoother even if others do not extend kindness to me. Don’t get me wrong, try as I might, I fail miserably sometimes. The best thing we can all do on those days is to keep trying, and apologize when needed.

What is one way you can work to show kindness to others this week? I’ll be working on this with you, especially when I am driving. Let’s do this together!

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.

If, as you read, you begin to think that your family might benefit from making changes in one or more of these areas, do not worry! It is never too late to take action. See each step below for specific examples on how to bully-proof your child!

• Provide a good example. Kids (even teens) model their behavior after that of their family. As a result, it is important to be conscious of what you say and how you treat people. This being said, no parent is perfect! If you slip up, use it as a teaching moment to explain your mistake and help your child learn something from your experience.
  

• Know your child’s friends. As children enter their teen years, friends begin to play an increasingly significant role in their opinions and behavior. Encourage your child to spend time with peers who have similar interests and ideals. Insist on getting to know the other children’s parents. It is alright (and advisable) to limit time spent with others who exhibit troublesome behavior. It is also important to monitor your child’s social media interactions with peers.
  

• Teach your children boundaries. According to Parent Further, “Parents need to set clear boundaries for behavior and should have high expectations in terms of respect for self, others, and property.” By setting and enforcing a clear set of expectations for your child, you are teaching him or her to live and act within appropriate parameters. Not only does this help foster a sense of self-worth in young people, it also helps them develop respect for others and for the norms and laws of society. Creating and adhering to a set of household rules for chores and behavior is a good place to start.
  

• Talk to your child. Consistent, safe communication between parents and children is crucial to preventing bullying. Set aside time every day to talk to each of your children. Ask questions and really listen. This builds a sense of trust between parent and child and will allow children to more openly talk about what is going on in their world. Eating dinner together is a great way to open up the lines of communication. Can’t do dinner? Try setting a routine at breakfast or bedtime depending on the needs of your family.
  

Finally, check out my 2012 blog article on helping kids know what to do if they are bullied or witness someone else being bullied. Click here to read more.

Image from Flickr. Some rights reserved by Eddie~S.

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.

It is hard to believe that it is the end of September and most Denver-area schools have been in session for over a month. How is your child doing in school? What problems, if any, have you and your children come across? Has your child revealed they are being bullied at school? Or have you learned that your child is bullying his or her classmates? This entry is the first in a 2 part series about bullying.

18.8% of Colorado kids have been bullied at school according to the Colorado Healthy Kids Survey and the Colorado Legacy Foundation (CLF). CLF research shows that kids who are bullied experience a variety of symptoms including poor school attendance, low grades and low motivation to pursue higher education. More serious consequences can include drug use, depression, suicidal ideation and suicide attempts.

Parents and their kids both play an important role in standing up to bullying. Experts at Children’s Hospital Colorado (CHC) suggest that parents offer support if their child discloses they are being bullied. This is important as many children are hesitant to reveal they are being bullied for fear of being blamed for the bullying. Stopbullying.gov recommends that parents avoid placing blame on their child and provide a safe environment for the child to discuss what has been happening. Parents asking their children what they believe may be helpful to alleviate the bullying can also be beneficial. Parents may ask that school officials intervene. School counselors and staff can help children create plans to deal with bullying. Schools can also help mediate between the child and the bully. Parents should also be aware that the Colorado State Legislature passed a Bullying Prevention Law in 2011. This allows legal action to be taken in cases of bullying.

Stopbullying.gov also recommends some specific actions for a child who is being bullied:

• “Look at the kid bullying you and tell him or her to stop in a calm, clear voice.”
• “If speaking up seems too hard or not safe, walk away and stay away. Don’t fight back. Find an adult to stop the bullying on the spot.”
• “Talk to an adult you trust. Don’t keep your feelings inside. Telling someone can help you feel less alone. They can help you make a plan to stop the bullying.”
• “Stay away from places where bullying happens.”
• “Stay near adults and other kids. Most bullying happens when adults aren’t around.” 
  

Finally, a child that has been a victim of bullying may benefit from speaking to a mental health professional about their experience.

Bethany is available to work with children and families dealing with bullying. Whether your child has been bullied, or is the bully, Bethany can help. You can contact Bethany by phone at 720-722-0527 or send her an email to get started.