My social work journey started when I was a leader for the middle school youth group at my church as a senior in high school. During my college years, I worked in a youth center in Chicago for one summer. Upon returning to school in South Dakota, I worked with teens and families in a residential treatment center and a domestic violence shelter. All of these experiences set the stage for my social work career. When I finished my graduate degree in Denver, I couldn’t wait to get a job working with teens and families! Since then, I have worked with teenagers in residential treatment, day treatment, outpatient counseling and inpatient hospital settings.

By now, you have probably guessed that my blog will now focus on teenagers and families. I couldn’t be happier to write about adolescents after spending the last 15 years working with them! I will write about common issues related to teens and families. I will occasionally reference current research or events happening in the world as they relate to teens and families. My hope is that you will find my blog to be helpful and enjoyable to read.

I would love to receive input on topics you would like to see on my blog. I appreciate comments and shares if an article resonates with you.

Thanks for reading! Happy New Year!

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.
She is passionate about helping teens and families be happy and healthy!

This is one of my favorite quotes. I jotted it down almost 10 years ago and it has been hanging on my refrigerator on the same scrap of paper ever since. It is meant to be a reminder for me to express kindness toward others on a daily basis.

Here are my musings about the quote and how I think it might apply to you!

For Children and Teens   

What might schools be like if students exhibited these qualities toward their peers and teachers? How much more enjoyable could sports and playtime be for children?

This concept is so important for children and teens to learn as they grow and develop. But how do children learn to express kindness? Please read on!

For Parents

Children learn how to exhibit kindness to others by the example modeled for them at home and in the community. The way you treat the store clerk, other drivers and your family will influence how your children interact with others.

Please understand: I am not asking you or your child to be perfect. Everyone loses their temper and says things they do not mean. Use these times as a learning experience for yourself and a teaching moment for your child. Apologizing and exhibiting grace for others’ mistakes are wonderful behaviors to model for your children.

For Anyone

This concept is not only beneficial for families. I find that my own professional and personal interactions are better and more genuine when I try to be kind to others.  My days tend to go smoother even if others do not extend kindness to me. Don’t get me wrong, try as I might, I fail miserably sometimes. The best thing we can all do on those days is to keep trying, and apologize when needed.

What is one way you can work to show kindness to others this week? I’ll be working on this with you, especially when I am driving. Let’s do this together!

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.

"Make each day your masterpiece." This quote by John Wooden is resonating with me today, bringing to mind the idea that every day is a piece of the bigger picture of your life. This has led me to ponder several questions: What does this idea mean for those days that are stressful, difficult or just downright bad? Do the bad periods take away from the overall picture or beauty of your life? How can you persevere through the hard days? See below for my thoughts!

Everyone has tough days. For a teen, a big test, friendship problems or a relationship ending could lead to a bad day. For a parent, feeling stressed about work, worrying about their children or simply being tired may lead to a difficult day. Whatever the cause, bad days can seem overwhelming and can often be filled with strong emotions. So what can you do if you are having a bad day today? Here are a few ideas:

1) Remember that today will end. I know this sounds cliche, but it can be helpful to remember that the sun will set, even on the hardest of days. Tomorrow is a new day.

2) Remember that strong emotions will pass. Part of what makes humans unique among all other species is our ability to experience emotions. Strong feelings, including anger and sadness will pass. Rather than bottle these emotions up, find a healthy way to express them outwardly. Talk to a friend or parent, write, draw, run or sing it out. You will feel better in the long run if you do not ignore your emotions.

3) Remember to take care of yourself. If you are experiencing a stressful time, remember to prioritize your well-being. Does spending time with friends make you feel good? Make plans together. Does exercising help you feel calm? Go for a walk or make it a point to hit the gym. Does the idea of attending another activity make you feel exhausted? Politely decline the invitation. Does taking a bath or reading help you feel calm? You get the idea. The most important thing is to make time for YOU!

4) Remember to look for the good. Find something to be grateful for every day. Purposefully seeking out the positive can help counteract negative thoughts. Write things you are grateful for down in a journal so you can be reminded of them during difficult times.

5) Remember the big picture. Your life is an incredible and special piece of art. In the end, the mixture of good and difficult times will serve to make your story uniquely yours and more beautiful than you can imagine!

Please, share your thoughts on this topic! What can you do today to make today a part of your masterpiece?

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.

Every parent wants their daughter to feel good about herself. We live in a society that places increasing focus on women's bodies. It is important to be mindful about social pressures in your interactions with your daughter. Use positive language and help her feel confident! See below for 10 specific ways to help your daughter love her body!

This post originally appeared on the Wasatch Family Therapy Blog.

Welcome to the latest follow up article to my Important New Year's Resolutions for Parents of Teens blog! Here you will find information on the benefits of getting teens involved in their community and ideas about how to get your family started!

Teens who are involved in community activities experience many benefits! Here are just a few:

Investment in their community. Teens are able to use their time and talents to engage with others. They may also gain a better understanding of people who are different from them. 

Role models. Coaches, volunteer supervisors and mentors can provide a safe, positive example to teens. 

Self confidence. Teens' confidence in themselves will soar as they learn new skills, improve their ability to solve problems and develop leadership skills. Additionally, seeing that they make a difference can be deeply gratifying.

Good work ethic. The University of Nevada Extension Office states, "young people involved in community service are more likely to have a strong work ethic as an adult." They learn how to be accountable, make and keep commitments and work well with others. 

Some pointers as you begin this journey:

Find out what activities interest your child. Talk to them and allow them to drive the decision-making process. The more empowered your teen feels from the beginning, the more invested they will be in the -chosen activity later! For indecisive teens, parents may need to be more involved in the decision-making and planning process.

Consider your teen. Take their personality into consideration. Not every child will be comfortable playing sports or stepping right into a leadership role. Help them find something that will build upon their strengths. 

Help them get started. Some teens may be more comfortable starting an activity with the presence of their family. Allowing them to invite a friend along may also boost their confidence heading into a new experience!

Consider and manage the risks. Do your research on the organization and meet the adults who will be supervising, leading or coaching your child. Also, talk with your child about their experience on a regular basis to ensure they are safe and comfortable in their chosen activity.

Finally, here are a few options to consider with your teen: 
Sports teams and lessons. Check out your teen's school, the YMCA or local recreation centers.
Academic clubs.
Mentoring programs.
Hobby-based groups. Think chess club, music and theater.
Community organizations like 4-H, Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts.              
Church youth groups.
Volunteer opportunities. Hospitals, food banks and animal shelters are often looking for volunteer help.

Picture from Flickr. Some rights reserved by Rob Gallop.

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.

This week I want to address the second topic covered in my New Years Resolutions blog last month: Sexting.

Just to be clear, “sexting” is a combination of the words “sex” and “texting.” It is defined by Urban Dictionary “the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit.” These messages may also include pictures of one self. The Merriam Webster Dictionary includes a similar definition.

It is important for parents and teens to be aware of the risks of sexting behavior.

A 2012 study cites states “among girls, the use of sexting behaviors appears to coincide with much higher engagement in risky sex behaviors.” The risk is not limited to teen girls. Did you know that over 75% of teens who are propositioned to have sex via a text, actually end up having sexual intercourse? You are likely already aware of the risks sexual activity including teen pregnancy, contracting HIV or a sexually transmitted disease.

Sexting can also have legal ramifications. For example, a teen girl sending a sexually explicit picture of herself to her boyfriend is not illegal (though not a good idea). However, the boyfriend then sharing the picture with one or more people can lead to big problems. This can be considered distribution of child pornography and can carry a prison sentence and the sender being required to register as a sex offender. Psychology Today published an article about the legal concerns with sexting.

Here are some suggestions for parents:

• Talk with your teens about the risks of sexting. Like the “birds and the bees” talk, this can be a difficult topic to broach with your teens. Considering the risks, it is important to set aside your reservations and do it anyway. Don’t wait for a sexting incident to have this conversation! Talk to your teen about what to do if they receive a sexual message or picture: delete it and never send it on!

• Talk about peer pressure with your teens. Check out That's Not Cool, a website dedicated to helping teens navigate peer pressure in the electronic age.

• Talk about healthy relationships. It is important for teens to identify and stand by their boundaries when it comes to dating and sexual relationships. Not only will this help keep them safe, it will also foster a sense of self-respect. Check out the conversation starters for parents at Start Strong!

• Set rules for the use of electronic devices and social media. Monitor their phone, texting and email content. Watch your teen’s use of social media including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the like. These devices can be taken away if your teen is not able to follow the rules set for their use.

Image from Flickr. Some rights reserved by Jhaymesisviphotography.

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.

If, as you read, you begin to think that your family might benefit from making changes in one or more of these areas, do not worry! It is never too late to take action. See each step below for specific examples on how to bully-proof your child!

• Provide a good example. Kids (even teens) model their behavior after that of their family. As a result, it is important to be conscious of what you say and how you treat people. This being said, no parent is perfect! If you slip up, use it as a teaching moment to explain your mistake and help your child learn something from your experience.
  

• Know your child’s friends. As children enter their teen years, friends begin to play an increasingly significant role in their opinions and behavior. Encourage your child to spend time with peers who have similar interests and ideals. Insist on getting to know the other children’s parents. It is alright (and advisable) to limit time spent with others who exhibit troublesome behavior. It is also important to monitor your child’s social media interactions with peers.
  

• Teach your children boundaries. According to Parent Further, “Parents need to set clear boundaries for behavior and should have high expectations in terms of respect for self, others, and property.” By setting and enforcing a clear set of expectations for your child, you are teaching him or her to live and act within appropriate parameters. Not only does this help foster a sense of self-worth in young people, it also helps them develop respect for others and for the norms and laws of society. Creating and adhering to a set of household rules for chores and behavior is a good place to start.
  

• Talk to your child. Consistent, safe communication between parents and children is crucial to preventing bullying. Set aside time every day to talk to each of your children. Ask questions and really listen. This builds a sense of trust between parent and child and will allow children to more openly talk about what is going on in their world. Eating dinner together is a great way to open up the lines of communication. Can’t do dinner? Try setting a routine at breakfast or bedtime depending on the needs of your family.
  

Finally, check out my 2012 blog article on helping kids know what to do if they are bullied or witness someone else being bullied. Click here to read more.

Image from Flickr. Some rights reserved by Eddie~S.

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.

Parents, this one is for you.

We all make our lists at the beginning of the year of things to start, things to stop and things to improve upon. These goals are generally made in the spirit of self-improvement. I’m curious, how many of your resolutions involved your habits as a parent? What do you see as areas for improvement in your role as a parent?

While you think about your own parenting resolutions, I have three suggestions for you to consider as you begin 2014 and seek to make it a great year for you and your family!

I’ll start with the not-so-fun resolutions.

Talk to your children about bullying, both in-person and online.

This is a very real issue that can have a devastating impact on kids, both those being bullied and those who are the bullies. Check out the Stop Bullying website for more information. Talk to your teens about their experience at school. Ask about bullying. Find out who the bullies are and who is being targeted.

If you find out that your child is being bullied or is doing the bullying, talk to them about their experience. It can be helpful to talk to the school or have your child see a counselor. However, it is most important to hear your child’s perception of what is happening to know how to best proceed.

Talk to your teens about the risks of sexting.

Let’s start out by defining what “sexting” means. According to Psychology Today, “sexting is sending, receiving, or forwarding sexual photos or sexually suggestive messages through text message or email.”

Did you know that over 75% of teens who are propositioned to have sex via a text, actually end up having sexual intercourse? Did you know that a teen sending a sexually explicit picture of themselves to another person can be considered distribution of child pornography? Did you know that a child as young as 10 years old can be charged with a sexual offense in Colorado?

If you didn’t know, it is likely that your teens do not know either. It is time to include a discussion about technology in the “birds and the bees” talk. Here is a great article to get you started.

Now that those are out of the way, I’ll end with a more “fun” resolution!

Help your kids get involved in an extracurricular activity.

Many teens naturally find their way to fun and appropriate extracurricular activities. Others may have a more difficult time getting involved. Here are a few benefits of teens being involved in social activities: healthy friendships, improved self-esteem and good role models to name a few. They are good for parents, too! Not only can you feel good about your teen getting all of the above-named benefits, you might just get a little time to yourself, too! Here is a great article on helping your kids get involved.

All of this being said, these conversations will be easier and more meaningful for both parents and teens who feel safe and comfortable talking to one another. I encourage you to foster an environment in your home where it is safe for your teen to talk to you about anything. Yes, anything!

Thanks for reading today! Check back over the next few weeks as I blog about each of the above mentioned topics in more detail!

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.

1) Go ice skating.

2) Write a letter to a friend or family member who lives far away.

3) Make a Christmas Carol music video.

4) Create place cards or other decorations for your family’s holiday celebration.

5) Bake cookies with friends.

6) Help a younger sibling write a letter to Santa.

7) Go sledding (or snowboarding or skiing!)

8) Have a holiday movie marathon.

9) Learn how to make a traditional family dish.

10) Wrap your bedroom door in paper or foil so it looks like a present.

11) Drink hot chocolate while reading a good book.

12) Turn off all lights except the Christmas tree lights. Relax in the quiet room or listen to music.

13) Volunteer time at a local charity.

14) Learn how other cultures and religions celebrate important holidays.

15) Bundle up and go for a walk to admire holiday lights in your neighborhood.

 
Here are some links to websites that inspired this list and for more ideas!

Parenting Teens: 50 Fun Holiday Activities Your Teen Will Love

Parenting Teens: 101 Fun Things for Teens to Do This Winter

Parent Map: 15 Meaningful Holiday Traditions and Fun Family Activities


Here are some fun ideas for parents, too!

Real Simple: 50 Fun Winter Activities

Image from Flickr. Some rights reserved by katushya

Bethany Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.

Thanksgiving is upon us and I wanted to offer a few thoughts on the benefits experienced by teens who express gratitude. 

1) Increased happiness and overall well-being

A research study by the American Psychological Association found that teens, like adults, experience a variety of benefits from the act of gratitude. The author of numerous studies about gratitude, Giacomo Bono, PhD, psychology professor at California State University, had this to say about the benefits of gratitude in high school aged teens: “Increases in gratitude over a four-year period were significantly related to improvements in life satisfaction, happiness, positive attitudes and hope.”  

According to the Harvard Medical School, “gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”

2) Lower occurrence of depression symptoms

Teens who express gratitude on a regular basis typically report fewer symptoms of depression. Giacomo Bono, PhD, suggests this is a result of being connected and reminded of the good aspects of one’s life. "People who are grateful are more optimistic and hopeful, feeling they have the resources to be successful in their future," said Bono. Click here for more information.

The same goes for adults: researchers at York University in Toronto found that depressed study participants who completed a “gratitude exercise” every night, were less depressed six months after the study was complete.

3) Greater contributions to society

According to a 2010 study of gratitude in teens by Froh, Bono & Emmons, "gratitude ignites a passion for helping others and contributing to society." The study indicates teens that are grateful tend to be more connected to their communities and want to give back, both as teens and later as adults.

So how can you reap the benefits of gratitude? Here are some ideas:

• Say thank you to those around you – and mean it!

• Write a thank you note for a gift

• Write a note to thank someone who has helped you or impacted your life in some way

• Take time each day to count your blessings – write them down so you can remember them on hard days
  

Happy Thanksgiving!


Photo from Flickr. Some rights reserved by woodleywonderworks.

Bethany Jones Raab is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Denver, Colorado.